Is there forgiveness for that?

It was a Tuesday afternoon in the fall 2003 when I first heard it. It was a simple little piece of a larger story that planted a seed in my mind and sent me into a dizzying array of poignant thought and agonizing reflection.
One of the members of the Toastmasters club of which I belong spoke that day about experiences he had during his tour of duty as a GI in Korea. One of the many events that he remembered was his first Christmas away from home. He recounted the feelings he had, anticipating the loneliness and homesickness that he would experience being away from his family over the holidays for the very first time.
However, his anxiety was abated as he lost himself in the charitable act of participating in the Christmas day festivities provided by the military base for the orphaned children of that society.
As I listened to the heartwarming tale of charity (love) and hope, an approving smile came over the faces of the audience. He briefly alluded to the fact that this annual ceremony was something that was done because of “the Gentlemen, if you want to call them that”, who were responsible for the situation in the first place. As I connected the dots, so to speak, this jubilation was quickly ripped asunder by a stark realization. These were orphaned children created by the union of American Infantry men and local girls (prostitutes, one night stands, love affairs, and marriages) whose fathers have outright abandoned them and their mothers. These are the “Amerasian children”.
Across Asia, including the Philippines, Korea, Okinawa, Japan, Thailand, Cambodia, Viet Nam and others, there are untold thousands of these people that are the victims of a fatherless epidemic created by US Marines, GIs, Sailors and civilian contractors working overseas.
This speech conjured memories of a magazine article I read in high school about the Amerasian children. The article interviewed several infantry men after being discharged from the service in Viet Nam who claimed to have fathered fifty to sixty children, that they knew of! I was in high school during the seventies, which means that those Amerasian children are now Amerasian middle aged adults and the problem now spans generations.
The impact that this had on my life has been small. But now I realize that my own wife Cathy and her twin sister are Amerasian Children. They are the product of an American GI and a Japanese Mother. They are one of the Lucky ones. Her father brought her mother to the United States to be married. Although they enjoy the blessings of American citizenship, their Father abandoned the family shortly after birth, and for forty five years at the time of this writing, they have ever since wondered about the father that they have never known. It was subsequently discovered that their father had another family that he returned to.
Why does this make them lucky? They are lucky because in Asia, the “half breads” are the dregs of society. They are the outcasts, the down trodden, the spit upon, the kicked, the disadvantaged, homeless, penniless, jobless, fatherless, ridiculed, hated, and mocked. It’s called xenophobia, the fear of anything foreign. It is racism to the extreme.
The scenario paints itself out all too well. Rich soldiers (by Asian standards) with a lot of U.S. Dollars to spend, have no problem obtaining companionship. Beautiful Asian dolls, who by upbringing, give themselves completely in service to their suitor have no idea of the danger that awaits them. They tread into the territory of no return with the tantalizing image of life in the land of promise, the home of the free. Imagine the horror and distress when the realization sinks down deep in her gut that he is gone, there is no way to contact him and the only thing she thinks she knows is that his name is Frank.
That afternoon I drove home from work with the radio off. I couldn’t stop thinking about the terrible plight of these people. Even though it wasn’t my problem, the very idea of it tormented me. It just kept hanging on like a noisy little terrier clamped on to my pant leg.
It spawned a dialog within my self. The questions kept hammering at me. I needed answers.

Q. Who are these men?
A. Well, they are American military men.
Q. Specifically though, who are they?
A. Well, we don’t really know exactly.
Q. Why don’t’ we here more about this?
A. I guess its one of those deep dark little secrets that’s nobody’s business.
Q. How can people do that?
A. I guess it’s like performing four thousand abortions a day in America. Lets see, 4000 times 365 days a year since about 1971 is umm,….umm… about 50 million dead babies…… Yet very few people seem to know anyone who’s ever had one. That’s how people are.
Q. Why are they here at home hiding from their responsibilities?
A. They don’t want that responsibility. They don’t want anybody to know. They are ashamed.
Q. Where do these men live?
A. In our neighborhoods, our communities. Next door, down the street, around the corner. They are among us. Where else could they be?
Q. But what about the precious little children, and their abused mothers? Don’t they care that they have brought untold tragedy and misery into their lives!
A. They probably think it’s not good, but there is little they can do about it or want to do about it. They try to ignore it, hoping it will go away, that time alone will erase it. But it never goes away. It’s always there reminding them. Their lives are secretly miserable, suppressing the truth about their other family from their American wives and children. Their life is a complete and utter LIE.
Q. I wonder about the daily hardships, the misery, the pain of trying in vain to raise a son or daughter with little hope of any help from any one, and everything around you is against you.
A. Its hard to even think about.
Q. What about the Mothers that are actively trying to find the fathers, I wonder what life must be like for them?
A. They are searching for a needle in a hay stack. Few if any will ever be successful.
Q. Why don’t these men come forward?
A. The “natural man” in them tells them to play dumb and keep their mouth shut.
Q. If they do find the father, can’t they petition the courts for redress?
A. Nope. It’s not in the US court’s jurisdiction. It’s an international issue. They’re “outta luck”.

I went to bed that night with the issue still weighing heavily on my mind. It was a long and tiring day, but sleep was the last thing I could grab a hold of. I usually don’t go to bed until I’m tired enough, so when my head hits the pillow, I’m already half asleep. But this night was different. I did everything I could to fall asleep. It was an exercise in futility. You can’t “try harder” to sleep!
It kept coming back to me, over and over again. All I could do was stare towards the ceiling into the blackness. The only light in the room were the large red digital numbers looming from the clock on the dresser. They served as a constant reminder of the long and winding road I was about to travel during my extraordinary nocturnal journey.
The Pillow wasn’t quite right. Turn it. Twist it. Tuck it. The blankets are too hot, throw a leg out and get some cool relief. The night air in the room is too cold. It’s uncomfortable. Pull your leg back in and throw off one of the covers. Try the left side…Try the right side. Turn this way, turn that way. I gaze over at the click. Its 1:30 AM
I’m wide awake and the dialog continues.

Q. “Oh Lord, what in the world must life be like for a man in that situation. To be haunted and tormented by the unyielding consciousness of this sin in their lives”?
Q. Is it possible that they could be so callused and detached from their conscience that it really doesn’t bother them and they never really think about it?
A. I guess that is possible. There are a whole lot of really bad people around. And we do read in the Scriptures about those that became so corrupt that they were “past feeling”. (Eph. 4:19, Moroni 9:20)
Q. Is that what we’re dealing with here, People that are “past feeling”?
A. I don’t necessarily think so. I remember attending traffic school once taught by a retired policeman who claimed that of the thousands of times he went to peoples homes to arrest them for unpaid traffic tickets that had gone to warrant, he never once met anyone who didn’t know their predicament and knew that someday, some how, they would have to pay the consequences.
Q. How does a traffic ticket compare to abandoning your most important responsibility as a human being….raising your children in truth and righteousness.
A. That’s a rhetorical question, the answer is obvious. There is no comparison.
Q. Then that must mean that they are all keenly aware of their situation.
A. Painfully aware.

The questions kept coming, the thoughts kept formulating. I raised myself up and propped my back against the wall for support. Gazing over at the clock, I got my first report signaling that my hope of a good nights sleep was in serious jeopardy. It was 2:15 AM!
Time slowed down as the pain and sorrow that filled my heart seemed to drag on and on. Yet, each time I looked at the clock, I was amazed at where the time went. The two phenomenon’s stood side by side in curious juxtaposition with respect to my perception of time.
I have awaken from many a nightmare and breathed a sigh of relief that it was only a dream. Similarly, my soul became filled with gratitude that it’s not me with the problem. I had to ask ……….
Q. why am I so lucky?
Q. Why was I blessed to be raised in the church and taught to know the truth about thee, Heavenly father, by wonderful people who served me and helped my testimony grow to where it is today?
Q. Is that purely Circumstantial?
A. No, it can’t be! The Scriptures say that the lord’s wrath is kindled against those who confess not his hand in all things. (D&C 59:21)
Q. Would my integrity as a child of God have “won out” if I were in the same situation as these men were or would I have made the same choices that others have, given the same circumstances and that “but for the grace of god, there go I?
Q. Why was I fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to feel the Holy Ghost testifying to me on numerous occasions of the glorious truthfulness of your restored gospel? And why weren’t others in life given that same opportunity?
Q. What about those who were there and also felt and heard the same things I heard but they did not choose to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and seek to know and do his will?
Q. What about some of the youth I have taught through the years and watched them make poor choices in their life. Were they not listening or did they just not care. How much of it is circumstances? How much of it is choices?

So many questions! So much we don’t know. I prayed, “Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for sparing me from the pitfalls of this world. They are real. I thank you with all my heart for my great blessings. I am witnessing each of my five children embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ with full purpose of heart.
I am the luckiest man in the world. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank so much. I am so lucky and so blessed that this really isn’t My problem! I have my share of problems alright, but I thank you, God, with all of my heart that I get to wake up each morning with the peace and serenity that only a clear conscience (with the help of Christ’s atonement) can provide”.

In this short life, the best thing to do is choose the right and trust in the lord with all our heart, and lean not to our own understanding. (proverbs 3:5).

It’s now 4:00 AM.

After expressing my gratitude to god, I still wondered about the sorry plight of these “Gentlemen”.

Q. How in the world could a person ever get out of this trap that they are in?
A. It seems almost impossible.
Q. Could they possibly repent of something like this?
A. Good Question.
Q. What does repentance consist of?
A. Recognize, remorse, restitution, request it, resolve to never repeat it, serve god…
Q. Restitution? Restitution? What if restitution is not possible? What about the men who fathered 60 children on the other side of the word, and abandoned them all. Even if one of them was to spend the rest of his life trying to track down all of these children, and even if he could find them all, is there any way he could even possess the capacity within himself of being a true father to them?
A. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, and every other way, it is inconceivable. No, it’s flat out impossible.
Q. Then does that mean he cannot be forgiven of his sins since he cannot perform restitution?
A. That’s a darn good question.

5:30 AM

Is it possible for a man in this predicament to gain forgiveness of his sins?
As I sat there pondering upon this question, meditating upon the reality of this situation, I felt the spirit of the Holy Ghost come upon me and I heard the still small voice whispered to my soul…

”Yes, they can be forgiven even of this, on one condition only, that they truly repent of their sins, yield their whole being to the will of god, and spend the rest of their lives until the day they die in the service of the Lord….Nothing less will do”.

As I was left to reflect on what I just heard, I was dumbfounded at the mercy and love and forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ. How his arms are outstretched continually to every person, begging them to “come unto Christ and be perfected in him” (Moroni 10:32,33). His unmatched love for each and every one of us is incomprehensible to the mortal mind. Yet it is this infinite and eternal love that Christ has for us that allows his atoning sacrifice to work in our lives.
If true restitution means putting something back exactly as it was before, then perhaps there is no such thing, regardless of the sin. However, it is the broken heart and a contrite spirit that compels one to seek forgiveness and make compensation where ever possible to the best of ones ability. That’s all you can do, the grace of god makes up the difference.
The answer that I received, supports the underlying principle that is eternally woven into the fabric of the universe and determines success or failure on every level. The principle is most thoroughly and concisely stated in what I have come to know as the most correct passage from the most correct book of scripture on the subject of grace and works that we have.

For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2 Nephi 25:23)

Even the very answer to my question reflects this eternal principle. I was given my answer as a gift from god, but only after I qualified myself by making the Enos-like sacrifice (Enos 1-8).
The principle is true. It is universal, available equally to all. It is eternal, and will always work. It is free, offered to all regardless of economic status. It is simple; give all, and it will be enough. That’s why it’s almost impossible for a rich person to enter into the kingdom of god. They have too much to give up. It is perfect. It doesn’t matter how much or little one gives, as long as it is everything. It applies to all circumstances, regardless of the severity of the sin.
As I sat pondering on the message, I had to ask myself the next logical question. What about those who have not committed crimes against humanity? What is s required to be forgiven of the “Little” sins. As I sat contrasting the difference, again the spirit whispered to my soul.

”Yes, they can be forgiven even of these, on one condition only, that they truly repent of their sins, yield their whole being to the will of god, and spend the rest of their lives until the day they die in the service of the Lord….Nothing less will do”.

No difference. The principle is applied equally. It is my testimony that this is a true principle and I admonish everyone to employ it. It is a great bargain. Jesus Christ is the son on god. He is the Savior to all those who make him their Lord or Master, and by doing so make themselves his servant. He is my master, and I am his servant. He has forgiven me of my sins and given me happiness, joy and peace. I serve him because I love him. I love him because of what he has done for me. Because of what he has done for me Jesus could never ask me to do too much for him. I want Eternal Life (Gods Life) It is the only thing that’s worth anything. This is my testimony to you. It is my responsibility to share it. (Mosiah 18:9-10).

Howard Le